
It reminded me of a conversation I had at Necon many years ago, when I had but a few short story credits to my name. A rather physically imposing writer sidled up to me. A big burly guy, fresh off his motorcycle, with arms the size of my legs, and he put one of those massive tree trunk arms around me and pulls me aside with the words “we need to talk.”
“I’ve been watching you, he said. You run around and do all this stuff. You’re on message boards, you’re helping friends, you’re reading and critting stuff for folks, you’re organizing events and are pitching in to help out. So … do you actually write? I know that you do, I’ve read your stuff.” [insert inner squeal at the thought that *he* reads *me*] “It just seems to me that you’re so busy doing stuff now that you aren’t taking the time to finish things and nurture your own career. I know you want to help people wherever you are and I love that about you. And I can see by the look on your face that this is not computing.”
“Think of it this way: take a bit, focus on your career, push through to the next level and think of how many others you’ll be able to help from that next level.”
[And we’ll skip the part about how much time I had lost trying to help those who either didn’t want or weren’t ready to be helped. Or getting bogged down by the sheer amount of users, takers, sponges, and all around general dirt bags who can suck up so much of our precious, precious little time.]
So, I guess in short, change, but don’t change. The heart of generosity and selflessness should never be diminished or discouraged. We need as many lights in this world as possible. Just don’t forget to do what you were meant to do.
A Buddhist teacher I know used to talk about “practicing the wisdom of the airlines.”
Here’s what that means: Ever notice when you’re on a plane and the flight attendants are giving their opening instructions they say, “In the event of a need for oxygen, if you’re traveling with a child, secure your own oxygen mask first, then put the mask on the child.”
The idea is that you have to make sure you’re getting enough oxygen yourself, so that you will be strong enough to take care of the child. If you try to do the child’s mask first and if the child is squirming around, say, you might pass out from lack of oxygen before getting the mask on the child, and so you both would asphixiate.
“The wisdom of the airlines” means that you have to take care of and help yourself before you can take care of and help others. If you don’t, then you’re not fully capable of helping, and neither you nor those you’re trying to help will reap a maximum benefit.
So, is the parent being *selfish* by putting his or her own mask in place first? Of course not. And is he or she being *selfless* by attending to the child first? No, in that case the parent, however well-intentioned, is simply not acting intelligently.
Taking care of yourself first, so you can do the best job of taking care of others–that’s “the wisdom of the airlines.”
I thought of this while reading your blog and thought I’d share it with you.
So then I can expect breakfast in bed and copies of your trilogy if I make it to MoCon? Hmmm…I must think on this.
Well, seriously, you know I’m there, and burned the hell out. Worse it seems that the more I pull away, and the more I focus on my own work and helping those who genuinely want it and need it the more people seem to want to tell me how wrong I’m doing everything. Funny how the world works…
I really needed to read this. Thank you so much for posting it.
Cassandra’s comment is excellent imo!
So: a timely and interesting post.. Much good advice. Maurice, you sound like you’re a personality prone to burnout: good that you recognise that and take steps to deal with it.
Who was the burly concerned “treetrunk” guy? (Sounds like popular Nordic depictions of Thor!) Wasn’t..Bob Freeman, was it? Don’t know what he looks like.
Not sure I believe so much in endless networking at the *start* of a writer’s career.. Maybe in the middle, when you need to get to the “next level”?
I keep harbouring in my mind, the image of Joanne Rowling (yes, the one the US fundies all thought was a witch, quite erroneously in fact) at the humble start of *her* career, with nothing more than an idea& some notebooks (&a few months in, a small Scottish Arts Council grant) & the ability to what is we say, apply seat to chair! (That means persistence at writing.) Sitting in her brother’s cafe up in chilly Caledonia,small daughter in pushchair by her side: a “single mother” as they said..
(meaning: abandoned by her feckless Portuguese husband).. No wonder she doesn’t appreciate the Tory attempts to use single mums as a scapegoat once again.. conservative men worldwide are for doing that!