So I confessed to Sally, aka “teh wife”, the other day that if it wasn’t for her, I’d be over the whole going to church thing. Part of it is the love hate relationship that I have with the church. Part of it is because I’ve been patching together what I need spiritually from a variety of sources. My wife, in turn, confessed that the only reason she was still in it was so that the boys have church as a regular part of the rhythm of their lives. For good or ill, we want them to have the church experience. Thus we’ve been in continual dialogue about what we want in a new church home.
Now, there’s a certain amount of church shopping that I really enjoy. It’s been a great excuse to visit the churches of some friends. I like seeing other expressions of the body of Christ. Too often we get locked into a “we’re the right club” mentality or so wrapped up in empire/ego building that folks are reluctant to even acknowledge other churches except to complain about what “they” do wrong.
This has also given us an opportunity to figure out what’s important to us. Before I get e-mails, for the sake of this discussion, we can assume that a Bible believing and teaching church is a given. But we’re not locked into dogmas and expect room to be able to disagree about non-essentials. One of the first checks is how we’re received. Whether the congregation bothers to talk to us (I’m stunned by how many places seem … cold). Another few things that are important to me:
-a commitment to racial reconciliation (we have bi-racial children and have been very intentional about keeping them in multi-cultural environments)
-receptivity to artists and “weirdos” (people who don’t fit into many folks’ boxes)
-commitment to being missional, especially to the marginalized (we have a heart burden for the homeless)
I knew that a children’s ministry was of critical importance to teh wife. Even though we both believe most spiritual instruction happens at home, we aren’t interested in “holy babysitting.” I also know that my wife has a series of questions that she likes to ask pastors (from how they handle crises to how they handle social media) when we’re seriously looking at parking ourselves at their church for a while.
We don’t want to be consumer Christians, per se, as the main thrust of what we are looking for is what/how can we give and participate. We aren’t hung up on what kind of music or service spectacle/show times, as long as folks are genuine and there is a spirit of community. I have a friend who boiled his definition of church down to this: “a safe and sacred place for people to belong and be wrong.” Yeah, that about sums up what we’re looking for.
I enjoy my church. We have an unofficial motto that says "No Perfect People Allowed." On any given Sunday you will see the Mayor sitting next to a hard core biker or even, GOD HELP US, an Insurance Salesman.
We have filled our church with people of different backgrounds and ethnicities. We are rarely at a loss for good conversation and awe inspiring worship. Our Pastor is a Dr. but he goes by Doc or Jim or even Church-Guy. We have fun and we don't take Ourselves too seriously.
It took me and my family a long time to find our church and we fit in surprisingly well. We are a church of square pegs in round holes and round pegs in square holes. It suits us. We don't judge ourselves or others because that is not our place.
So, Mr. Broaddus if your ever in the Tidewater area of Virginia and you happen to want to attend a service to check us out your welcome along with your family to attend.
we find ourselves all over the place (and have family in virginia). so you may find us out there some time.
I'm finding myself less and less interested in church, and finding God — or at least, the Holy –more and more in my writing and my conversations with other authors.
These are the days when I'm starting to suspect that God himself wouldn't darken the doorway of my church.
Mmn yeah… ok, I'm lost. Obviously I haven't been following this blog as well as I'd thought. Need a recap. So, Maurice, you left (totally?) the church you previously were at for years? (Because of the you-know-who scandal.?) And now you and family are attending a church "where you can be anonymous". (Is this like a mega-church or something?) And now you're "in the market" for yet another church; which has to meet all your requirements: ie it has to be pretty born-again (don't they call it "bible-believing"?) Ie, not UU or something; *but* covering all the racial and social bases you (both) want covered as well – all this and heaven too! I hope you find it. Did you in the end feel you had to make a complete break with whatever-it-was-called (Dwelling Space?) because you (and your family?) had lost too much face there? What happened to/with the counselling sessions? I'd like to know! But yes: I thought it *was* a requirement for Christians to worship in groups: "wherever two or more are gathered in My name"??
actually, while there were a few reasons why we left, losing "face" was not an issue. one, it assumes i had "face" there to begin with. two, people sin. it happens. and when they do, there needs to be a process in place for their restoration. there will always be consequences to sin, especially within a community, and broken relationships will be part of it.
i may post a blog my wife did recently on her blog site which might shed some light on why we left.
but the counseling and small groups i've been apart of have not been from that church. and i'm still a part of those groups. like i said, a lot of my communal worship has been coming together in ways i'd never have planned.
and we, as a family, may be landing at a church sooner than we thought. our boys have been QUITE vocal about a couple we've been attending.
Ah, now I see better – I think. You don't tend to put all your eggs in one basket; also, you're very good at networking: something that's always been noticeable! Yes your wife's blog; I *have* read that, but not in an age! Please compliment Sally on her last guest post here and assure her that I look forward to her next: I noted that her style had already attracted compliments. So the counselling group is a different group? (good, some independence there!) How is it structured, though? Little blogging about this? Do Christians have like a "sinners anonymous"? I'd really like to know! As for "saving face" v."broken relationships" – isn't everything always a bit of both, to be honest? Especially if you occupy any position at all of (even local) prominence? One thing that tends to strike me right now that a lot of the "punishment/consequences" in these "morals" cases seems to take place MONTHS after the discovery of the "crime" itself: even after the public figure has done public penance for it: viz. Tiger Woods
What I mean to say is: he did all that public crow-eating: and some sponsors are *still* deserting him! I'm a bit puzzled over that bcos I thought the unwritten rule was: own up and apologise and we'll go easy on you? (You'll say "that's not the idea at all" from a Christian point of view; but I'm a pagan and I'm practical!) I spose it's a bit like that skinny model that took cocaine saga: the powers punished her for propaganda purposes to show how "unforgiveable" (don't they mean how widespread?) her antics were. But as for Tiger; he's done the mea culpa: what more is the man supposed to do? (He's been to a (sex) rehab clinic too.) It's not as if he's done anything actually criminal. I guess we Brits are a bit obsessed by him! I know your cases are pretty dissimilar but I wish you'd do a blog post about him! One more point: to a non-Christian, if you say "I'm sick of the whole church bit" it sounds on surface like you're tired of your religion. To a student of religion like me: well I know that unlike us
[…] gospel to how it does mission trips. I get frustrated because I do love it (the love part of my love hate relationship with […]
[…] a stint of vagabond spirituality, sermon exhaustion, and church shopping (part I and part II), the Broaddus family settled on a new church home. Right out the box I wrote Our Church Stinks […]
[…] to nest, as it were. I spent a lot of time hanging out in a variety of coffee shops (it’s like church shopping for a place to write). There’s also something … cliché about hanging out in a coffeeshop […]