I’m not going to apologize for this blog turning personal. It’s my blog. Sometimes I just have to use it as my own therapy, though it’s rare that I write about what should be personal and private issues. Especially when it seems like I should be tending to other issues. But you do what you have to do in order to move forward:
Yes, I’ve stepped down from leadership at the Dwelling Place.
Yes, I’ve made a wreck of many of my relationships and have a lot of work ahead of me if there’s to be any kind of reconciliation.
Yes, Mo*Con is still going on.
Yes, I blew up my old message board. I do have new a small hang out space on Brian Keene’s board.
And I’m writing. It’s not always going to be so personal, but this space has always been about what I’m thinking through. As it stands, I’ve barely gotten these blogs posted and my inbox is filling up. I don’t think I can face it right now, but I’ll leave you with this message I received from a friend (I’ve been on the phone all week and STILL owe a few people a call):
big tight hug silently claiming all of God’s promises for his children who love him,
who love him imperfectly but love him nonetheless, as he continues to love us.
in spite of ourselves.
praying for Christ’s light to pierce through palpable darkness.rage.grief.destitution,
praying for an increased measure of faith to minister to unbelief, self-pity, self-mutilation, self-loathing & loathing,
praying for hope,
your sister in Christ who needs God’s grace & mercy as much as the next person,
you are loved.
it’s absolutely true, you don’t deserve it…none of us do.
don’t forget to read the end of that sentence, maurice. NONE of us do.
Christ sees us in all of our crapulence
and whispers and shouts and assures us
and waits for us to remember & believe that
yes, we are loved.
And yes, crapulence is now my new favorite theological term.
***
Full Disclosure:
Secret Lives, Secret Shame
Hey Maurice, thanks for posting all of this. I’ve just checked your blog for the first time this week, so I’m seeing all this now.
I too was “that man” — I swore up and down I’d never cheat on my wife, yet I did. And like you, I found myself wanting to fail. And like you, I changed because of it.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is that there IS restoration. My affair was ten years ago. I am still married to the wonderful, beautiful woman I married thirteen years ago (come this June). The road was a living hell at first, especially for my wife, but things get better.
Maurice, from one human being to another, I will pray for you.
Lucas
Maurice, I’ve followed your blog since you joined up with us at the Daily Scribe and I’ve always enjoyed your posts. You have a great perspective.
This, however, is the most amazingly vulnerable series I’ve ever read. It took me several days to process and figure out what I needed to write. I know that you are walking a difficult, stony, twisty road right now. I can’t imagine what it must be like. But please know that my prayers, pitiful though they are, are with you, your wife, your boys and your extended circle of friends.
Peace and grace to you …