Alright, I’ll say this plainly rather than dance around this: I get that a lot of folks haven’t had to grow up, but, come on, grow the hell up. How sad is it that a lot of the guys I encounter are still drifting through life, even well into their thirties? Whether it’s living in their mom’s basement, never finishing school, not holding down a job (or working in a dead end job), spinning their wheels with no plan of how to move from where they are to, well, the land of being a grown up.

They may complain about the state of their affairs, but you can’t just keep doing the same things over and over and expect change to magically happen. I’m not talking about the folks who have had circumstances pop up that have caused them to go back home. Or single parents who are struggling. I’m talking about the able-bodied folks who are drifting through life, dreaming of one day being a responsible husband and father, but not taking any actual steps to get there.

This leaves their significant others in an untenable situation. On the one hand, they may love these guys and accept them the way they are, but they will have to draw the line of how much frustration they will put up with while these guys are spinning their wheels. Women shouldn’t have to be their significant other’s mother and on the flip side, he shouldn’t want to date his mother.

The problem some women seem to have is in identifying which guys are men and which ones are boys. They can both be fun, but you can usually only truly count on the men. I recently wrote about what it means to be a man, but a friend of mine came up with 20 signs of the differences between boys and men:

1. Boys will drop a pick up line on you and grin at their own cleverness. A man can flirt without showing off.

2. Boys like fart jokes and everything about them. Men like the jokes too, but they don’t feel the need to act them out for you.

3. Boys hold onto fantasy women ideas and hold torches without ever being able to ask the person out. A man knows that everyone is flawed and will ask her out anyway.

4. Boys take rejection as a personal attack. A man realizes that he isn’t going to be attractive to everyone and that she may just not be in a place to be dating.

5. Boys try to take what isn’t their’s to have. A man works to have what he values.

6. Boys yell, argue, and fight. A man is calm and walks away from trouble when he can.

7. Boys hit. Men hold.

8. Boys say hurtful things to denegrate and diminish others. A man builds others up and is quick to compliment.

9. Boys bitch and moan about problems. A man prays and asks for help when he needs it.

10. Boys hold their pride or rep in the highest regard. A man knows that having a good name is worth more than gold.

11. Boys take the easy road out of any trouble. A man faces the consequences of his actions and does the right thing.

12. Boys cheat. A man knows that a good woman is the greatest of blessings from God in this life and puts her before himself.

13. Boys run from trouble. A man handles his responsibilities.

14. Boys look for you to take care of them. A man looks for you to take care of each other.

15. Boys can’t maintain eye contact. A man can look into your eyes and let you know how attractive you are without a word.

16. Boys look for hot chicks. A man knows that every woman is beautiful in her own way.

17. Boys have to top your story with a better one of their own. A man asks you questions and lets you be the center of attention.

18. Boys are all about “me”. Men are all about “you”.

19. Boys go to the game, or play X-Box when their kids come over for the weekend. A man helps with homework and plays Candyland.

20. Boys boast. Men deliver.

As much as women have become so “independent”, too many men have become … actually, they haven’t become anything. Hey, some men are doing the best they can, not for someone else, but for themselves. That’s one thing, and folks have to weigh whether or not they can accept that. Some men aren’t doing close to their best and are just trying to get by. And they should go bye-bye.

Stand up and be the kind of man a person would want to spend the rest of their life with. Pull your life together.

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Ladies you aren’t off the hook: My message board mod came up with her own list of girls vs. women:

1. Girls ask how they look every five minutes. Women are confident enough to know they look good and smart enough to know if it truly matters.

2. Girls are needy and clingy. Women are independent and have interests outside of you.

3. Girls freak out if you don’t return a phone call. Women are rational and realize that things happen and life is unpredictable. And if you’re truly just not returning her calls, she knows you’re not worth her time.

4. Girls dress provocatively to gain attention. Women can be sexy no matter what they’re wearing.

5. Girls need to have every guy like them, even if they don’t like him. Women know that they aren’t everyone’s type.

6. Girls get their friends to find out if you like them. Women just ask.

7. If you piss them off, girls blog about it and tell all their friends. Women decide whether it’s really worth being pissed over and if it is, they talk to you about it.

8. Girls look to blame everyone but themselves for their shortcomings. Women own up to their mistakes and work to fix them.

9. Girls gossip and speak badly of other girls behind their backs in order to make themselves look good. Women don’t feel threatened by other women and can even sincerely agree when you compliment another woman.

10. Girls are catty and throw each other under a bus to get a guy. Women stand back a minute and know that if you choose the dumb bimbo over her, you aren’t as smart as you look.

11. Girls expect you to read their minds. Women are upfront and honest.

12. Girls take
rejection as an insult and plot to make you jealous. Again, women realize that they aren’t everyone’s type and that it’s not a personal attack.

13. Girls bring up your past mistakes in arguments, even the ones you’ve apologized for. Women deal with the problem at hand and know to let things go.

14. Girls create drama and demand that they are the center of attention. Women realize that life has enough drama of it’s own and they cherish the “boring” moments.

15. Girls are in constant need of rescuing. Women can discern when it’s time for them to be the hero.

16. Girls get drunk and use it as an excuse to act like a ho. Women know that a true man will love her for herself, not because she’s easy.

17. Girls avoid confrontation and have no backbone or opinions of their own. Women have their own views and convictions and hold strongly to them, even in the midst of adversity.

18. Girls justify it when a boy treats them like sh*t. Women let them know exactly what “no” means.

19. Girls won’t accept help from others, refuse to listen to their friends and family, and stubbornly take the path they know is doomed. A woman surrounds herself with wise people whom she can trust and she heeds their advice.

20. Girls compare you to other men. A woman appreciates each man for his unique qualities and characteristics.



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