“Is it okay to date someone who has been divorced?” You’d be stunned how often I get this question. Or, maybe you wouldn’t be. We live in an age of divorce, where one out of two marriages end in divorce, Christian and non-Christian alike. So many folks find themselves single again or dating prospects who have been divorced.

I’m not going to hash out a theology on divorce – why re-invent the wheel? Here are a few articles that I found helpful:

The Importance of a Clearly Defined Position

Four Evangelical Views on Divorce and Remarriage

A Brief Development of the Reformed Perspective

Pastoral Applications of the Reformed Position

Dating divorcees I basically just wanted to know the answer to a couple of questions:

1. What were the circumstances of the divorce? Adultery, abuse, abandonment – it’s hard to hold someone into account for the actions of another, don’t you think? Now, if I hear things like “my spouse no longer fulfilled my needs” or “we fell out of love;” well that’s going to make me more cautious.

2. How do they feel about the divorce? Did they fight to stay married? Were they repentant (if circumstances dictate/warrant it)? Basically, I want to know if they take marriage seriously. However, I understand circumstances beyond our control.

3. What sort of baggage is there? Hmm, perhaps there’s a better way to phrase this, but it doesn’t matter since only the first two questions are “make or break” sort of questions (and most folks carry baggage into a relationship). I’m just getting at what are the other relationships I’d be getting into (the ex still around, children, etc.).

“Is it okay?” I guess that’s up to you and what you have on your list. I know some hard core folks with a “no divorced people” dating policy. There’s something about that stance that smacks of judgment and an unforgiving spirit – but maybe it’s just me. I do know that marriage is hard and has many pitfalls. It strikes me as unloving to see someone who has been bruised by life, point to their bruises, and go “you’re automatically defective. Next please.” Maybe they should be asking if it’s okay to date you?

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