As I am still under the weather and am under deadline (some big announcements to come soon), this week’s Friday Night Date Place is brought to you by some time contributor, Jon Harp. It’s a lament I have heard quite often:

Let me begin by saying that anything I say here is a generality and universally true. If it were I would call it an universality (that made up word is too difficult to pronounce to be true anyway).

The reason I have stopped actively trying to date Christian women is simple, I no longer fit the criteria that qualifies me as a potentially acceptable mate. I did once upon a time, but that was before a divorce and three kids. Those two factors have made finding an interested Christian woman in her 30’s or 40’s nearly impossible. The truth is that most single Christian women are looking for a Christian man who doesn’t fall into either of those categories. Now I am not speaking of Christian women in their twenties, my informal (and completely anecdotal) research isn’t aimed in their direction, strictly women in my general age group.

It seems that most of the Christian women I have encountered seem to be searching for some type of untainted soul mate, someone who hasn’t felt that strongly about anyone else before, and/or doesn’t carry the baggage (children) that may have come along with that relationship. This seems to be strongest with women who have never been married before themselves and that is somewhat understandable, though extremely limiting. Women who have kids of their own aren’t much different, though you would think they would be more open and accepting of another Christian with kids, there seems to be a desire to have someone whose attention won’t be diverted from her and her children. Christian women who have been divorced, either with or without kids, seem to be the most accepting, but still seemingly prefer someone who hasn’t got the children.

I understand a lot of the reasons why, adding on a ready made family can be intimidating for anyone. In addition, anyone who has been through a divorce is going to bear some emotional scars, and that may make a relationship a little more difficult. The problem, however, is that I stated before, eliminating all but single never married Christian men in their 30’s will limit your options. Those clean, untainted souls are few and far between, and let’s face it, if there is a single never married man in his thirties in your church there is often a pretty plain reason for his not being married. Sure there are some perfectly acceptable guys who choose to not marry into their 30’s, but many of the men in that situation have, let’s say, social issues, to be kind.

The truth in my situation as a divorced man with kids is that I am part of the largely dismissed group. We aren’t clean and untainted. I have some dirt under my nails, and my share of scars. I am part of an increasingly large group of men in the same situation and if Christian women don’t find us generally acceptable we will turn to the one group that will, non-Christian women. The sad part is that I have found non-Christian women to be far more accepting of the dirt and scars than Christian women. Christians should always display a more open and accepting frame of mind toward others, but too often in many different arenas this isn’t the case. As I said these are generalities and not universally true. But I can tell you that on the internet dating service that I use, I would say easily 80 to 90% of the women who prominently mention that they are Christian, also mention that they are looking for someone, firstly, without kids, and secondly never married. Since I don’t fit that profile I have stopped looking for Christian women and just started looking for those who aren’t as discriminating about the dirt under my nails.

***
If you want to make sure that I see your comment or just want to stop by and say hi, feel free to do so on my message board. I apologize in advance for some of my regulars.