Or Don’t Trip … He Ain’t Through With You Yet
While I was thinking through what I was going to say about “The Story of (My) Christianity”, I was left with a bunch of issues that I struggled with. It’s the whole idea of God sending us to be His ambassadors and then seemingly not being able to equip us adequately for the job. I see it in my church. I see it in my life. I see it in my heart. Shouldn’t there be a more demonstrable difference between “us” and “them”? Why are we still so broken?
A friend of mine put it this way: “If God is to be the all powerful diety he is, why does he not do more to change us when we confess his Lordship over our lives? Yeah, yeah, free will and all that, but still what are we saying when we are calling him “Lord”? Isn’t part of that an invitation for Him to change us? Sure, it takes work on our part, but I could use some help and, if you believe the surveys, so does everyone else. When I look at the Christian community, I see epic fail and it’s really hard for me to just say that it’s all our fault. If we are to be representing Him, and if we are calling Him the Lord of our lives, then I would think we would get more help…and if He isn’t then how can we say the blame is all on us?”
Probably points more to our misunderstanding of God and our relationship with him. We don’t have to be perfect to be dispensers of God’s grace. Martin Luther spoke of Christians as being simultaneously saints and sinners. It has taken me quite a while to understand that God’s not interested in fixed vessels. We have it in our heads that we need to be perfect, have our act together, be the “best” representatives that we can be because how else can we be used by God.
This idea of perfection has crippled my spiritual walk. The Bible seems to not only demand perfection, but it seems to imply that perfection is attainable now. Then someone pointed out to me that I had a screwed up view of “perfection.” When we read the word “perfection” through our modern mindset, we see the Greek ideal of perfection. We can’t attain that. Yet for most of my spiritual life, I was tormented by the guilt of failure because I couldn’t reach this goal of perfection. My life was littered with seemingly endless failures. But when you read perfection more through the eyes of the original audience, you find the Hebrew idea of wholeness. Being complete is something that we can attain.
We are no more immune to sin and temptation than our neighbor, as much as I (and many in the churches) would like to believe otherwise. We’re sick and we need resurrection, divine healing. He calls us to join with Him, to be set free of the lives we’re imprisoned in into a new world, a new way of living. In our imperfection, in our brokenness, we know each other’s pain and weakness—without room for judgment—and can best be there for one another. We can be the consoling arms of God for one another.
Our actions define our eternity. The strongest, most impactful message you can have about your faith is the one we speak with our lives. If we aren’t living it out, it invalidates anything we have to say on the subject. If what we say and how we live don’t match, we’ve probably already lost the battle. There’s the heart of my struggle. I’ve tried to follow Jesus and it’s hard. There’s nothing simple about it. It’s paradoxical. It’s counter-intuitive. Often I feel as if I know the truth, but have no experience of its reality or fail to fully live it out.
God is engaged in a gentle dance with us, wooing us to Him not wanting to force Himself on us, but rather wanting us to freely choose to love Him; to join with His redemptive mission for each other and for creation. He chooses to work through a failed people for reasons we may never understand. We are cracked vessels, works in progress. God doesn’t give up on us … we give up on ourselves. We aren’t defined by our failings and stumbling. We’re defined by how we get back up, bruised knees and all, dust ourselves off, and keep on our journey.





Many years ago, I lived a faith of looking at scripture as a rule book and working my hiney off to comply with all the rules. For me, it was a prescription for anxiety. There was no way I could do it all.
Then, that faith died.
I'm glad it did. That faith reduced God to the role of distant law-giver. The rest was up to me. It imagined God as an anthropomorphic being, instead of the Ground of Being itself.
Instead of acknowledging that I had been made in God's image (whatever that means), I followed a long, broken habit in human history of making God in my image.
God as law-giver is God in my image.
If God is simply the law-giver, then I have missed the point. Then I'm still steering the ship, I'm still running the show. Then it's just up to me to jump through the right hoops, and I'll be okay.
It's a popular message. It's one of the reasons I think our fundamentalist brothers and sisters have churches growing leaps and bounds. It preaches the notion that they know the rules and all you have to do is follow them. Then you'll be okay.
But then who's in charge? Us or God? It reduces God to the role of Genie with whom we interact as equals, with whom we barter our allegiance for salvation.
That's not faith, that's magick.
There's no room for friendship, for relationship, for *care* in any connection between law-giver and law-abider.
When God-as-law-giver died (in my life), I jumped to the conclusion that God was dead. After all, that was really all I ever knew. As a result, I lived life based on the only God remaining — myself.
When that resulted in enough pain, I found myself clearing away the slate. I had to find a new conception of God.
I found myself demoted from spiritual grad school to spiritual kindergarten. I had to focus on very simple concepts. God is loving, God cares about me.
For a period of about two years, I abandoned Christianity completely and explored Buddhism. Eventually, I got to the point of practicing with long-time Buddhists of Vietnamese extraction who sort of scratched their heads when they saw me visit their services.
"You're more than welcome," they say, "but why aren't you connected with your own tradition?" There was a sadness in their eyes. They recognized that I'd been alienated from my own heritage.
Since that time, I've reconnected with that heritage.
I've come to love Christianity as the faith of second chances. In the death and resurrection of Jesus we find that God brings good out of tragedy.
I've come to realize that I don't need to be the wind, I just have to be the sail.
I've come to see God as friend (and realize that's just a crude metaphor, but it helps me know that God is here to help).
Most importantly, I've come to see that God works through others (Christian and non-Christian). I need closed-mouth confidants and mentors in my life with whom I can share *everything*. I need them to call me on it when my behavior becomes driven by selfishness, self-centeredness, dishonesty, or fear.
And for me, this has not been the role of the church.
Anyway, a fascinating topic, Maurice. Thanks for posting it.
The movie "Transformers" shows things changing from one thing to another almost instantaneously. And that's what many of us expect to happen to us when we become Christians. We're suddenly going to be new creations. The Biblical reality is that we're only at the starting line when we become new creations. Now God has something new to work with: part of his own character living in us. Now the real work can begin.
God wants to transform us into the image of himself (our original image before the fall). Our "flesh" resists this sudden transformation and that's when we experience failure. But in our failure, there is God again, wooing us to continue the process of being transformed. Every time we say yes to this, he will go to work again. Every time we say no, the work stops.
I love the analogy C.S. Lewis uses. We ask Christ to come into our hearts and he comes in. We want him to stay in the corner and live in a shack. But over time we find him tearing down walls, putting in new fixtures, adding rooms. We wanted him to live in a shack but he's building a mansion!
"But then who's in charge? Us or God? It reduces God to the role of Genie with whom we interact as equals, with whom we barter our allegiance for salvation.
That's not faith, that's magick"
Mmm, it's not magick either. It's pride. (and that's why folk who try to PRACTICE magick like that don't get anywhere and completely fail to understand spirituality as a whole, but that's another rant.)
I think this is the sort of thing that helps put together the prescription for scandal in churches. People expect others to be "perfect"… but surface perfect, not "whole" perfect. "You don't say this and you don't do this and you're good." Uh-uh, nope. But if you say and do those surface things, and you're real about it, they're done with you… poof, you're a bad example, down with you.
And so folk don't talk about what's really going on in their hearts, because if they do they'll be rejected. And that stuff festers.
Not to excuse anything or say that when people "misbehave" it's someone else's fault… but maybe if we stopped expecting surface-perfection out of all of our leaders, we'd get something that was more like REAL perfection.
I wrote…
"That's not faith, that's magick"
Crystal wrote…
"Mmm, it's not magick either. It's pride. (and that's why folk who try to PRACTICE magick like that don't get anywhere and completely fail to understand spirituality as a whole, but that's another rant.)"
I reply…
Allow me to clarify, I should have written, "that's not faith that's 'magick' "
"magick" was intended to be read ironically (maybe even, sarcastically). I agree with Crystal, actually, and my original post didn't make clear that I was referring to "magick" in quotes.
It's cool Nicole, that makes sense. I think I'd have used "magic" just because in the circles I run in "magick" is a term that refers to a definite spiritual practice. But then again, those same circles disagree pretty regularly as to whether "it's stupid to even put the 'k' on it, frakkin' Crowley frakkin' old-English frakkin' presumptious…"
So you're cool, lol. Makes sense with the explanation.
[...] Maybe my story is that of one of God’s failed ambassadors. That God is engaged in a gentle dance with us, wooing us to Him not wanting to force Himself on us, but rather wanting us to freely choose to love Him; to join with His redemptive mission for each other and for creation. He chooses to work through a failed people for reasons we may never understand. Meeting us where we are, messy and broken. We are cracked vessels, works in progress. God doesn’t give up on us … we give up on ourselves. We aren’t defined by our failings and stumbling. We’re defined by how we get back up, bruised knees and all, dust ourselves off, and keep on our journey. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing. –Ephesians 2:10 (The Message) [...]