I’ve been in singles ministry for over 15 years now. I know the ups and downs, the heartaches and the pains that come with being a single person, especially as one gets to be older. Some of the most devastating comments come from some of the most well-intentioned sources. Questions from family members like “why hasn’t someone snatched you off the market?” (implying that you’re defective in some way) or “aren’t you seeing anyone yet?” (only barely leaving off the other half of the sentiment: “you poor, poor dear”).

I know that in this PC age of ours, my new business venture may leave a bad taste in some people’s mouths, but, well, I’m over it. At the moment, I minister to a mostly white singles group, and in the spirit of racial (dis) harmony, I’m starting a new ministry for the ladies of my group: Rent a Brotha.

Tired of dreading family meals or get-together filled with mom’s intrusive questions or your aunt’s intrusive meddling? Well guess who’s coming to dinner! Yes, we at “rent a brotha” will quickly put an end to the constant pushing for a relationship or inquiries into when you’ll be having kids. You’ll find comments quickly shifting from “when will you be getting married” to “it’s important to be friends for a long, long, long time”. Testing has shown that it only takes one visit from a representative of the “Rent a Brotha” offices to still the topic of your personal life to “don’t ask, don’t tell” levels.

Franchising opportunities available. Hmm, maybe this would only work here in Indiana. So only “limited franchising” available.

[I’m not forgetting about the single men in my group. I am starting a sister company: Rent a Baby. Because nothing is more attractive to women than seeing men with a baby.]

I’m so brill.

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Comment on this bit of rantus interruptus anyway you want (I don’t know where you’re reading it from) or just do so at my message board.