I have been cautioned, cautioned, cautioned to enter into this gently (because as writers, we give enough of our lives to the public and they don’t need all of it). But I have to come at things a different way. Plus all of these blogs are Sally approved.

I am. For better or for worse, this is part of that tending. It’s about me owning up to things. A pattern had emerged in my writing and in my personal dealings that for all of my ability to communicate … I’m a poor communicator. I don’t share what’s going on with me. I’m about the quick joke or an opinion and moving on. Honestly, I don’t expect that to change anytime soon. But I am trying to be more open on all fronts.

Let’s be straight: I’m also a public persona. If a “secret” is out there, it’s out there. I’ll deal with it. The more public I’ve been in my triumphs, the more accountable I need to be in my failings. Which is what I’m ruminating about right now.

I can’t help but hope that I’ve (tried to have) been cognizant of my own sin when talking to folks about theirs. I know some folks thought that when I’ve talked to them about their sexual sins, they thought I was coming down on them, no matter how many times I may have said “no, believe me, I get where you’re coming from.” I remember one lady in particular who said “you know if you were single you’d be into the same sh*t.” I almost retorted, “no, I’m right with you, that’s how I know.” It’s hard to not feel (or hear) judging 1) when you expect to hear it and 2) when you’re judging yourself for your own poor choices.

It’s not about turning my personal life into blog fodder. Lord knows, I have plenty of other things I’d RATHER be writing about. I’ve seen folks turn their blogs into platforms of blame and finger-pointing. I have no one to blame and point a finger at other than myself. Is this an exercise in salving my conscience? Maybe. I have no answer for that. I’m walking through this. My wife is walking through this with me.

As humans, we’re fallible. None of us are beyond sin. Being a Christian does not make me more/less human. We’re experts on judging sin and walking through sin, but I’m curious to see what the journey of restoration looks like. (My counselor has already informed me that it’s not going to look at all like I might think). It’d be easy to run from my family, my friends, and my church right now. Leaving means I don’t have to face what I’ve done. Leaving means I don’t have to grow or change. Leaving means I get to go through the motions of starting over, a surface repentance, without having to face the person that I am.

We’ll see where this goes.

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Full Disclosure:

Secret Lives, Secret Shame

Walking Through My Failings

Double Lives

For the Record …

On the Idea of Confessing

Emotional Affairs (aka No Longer “Just Friends”)

Good Days, Bad Days (On Despair)

Prayer of Repentance

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