It’s been a while since I ran anything close to my dating/advice column on this blog. Not that I’m planning on revisiting that but I did want to write on the topic of wooing the slush reader and it did start to sound like dating advice to the young writer.
The reader (and especially editors) don’t owe it to the story to finish it. I don’t know how many times I can say that to aspiring writers or new slush readers or, frankly, a few editors (who, if they think otherwise, are still new to a slush pile). Thus the following exchange with a slush reader:
Super Slush Reader: If I get through 3 pages of story and am still bored…reject?
me: yup. a thousand times, yup. you made it three pages. that’s saying something.
Super Slush Reader: I generally make it a point to read the whole damn thing.
me: that’s funny. i’m telling my class tonight that the reader (and especially editors) don’t owe it to the story to finish it. it’s the writer’s job to give us a reason to keep reading.
Super Slush Reader: Amen!
me: so in a slush pile, you have maybe one page to make an impression on a (slush) reader. one page to woo them to keep reading. and that’s pretty generous.* so on your end, don’t be an easy read. for every page of slush crap you read, that’s less time for you to read … me! So quit giving writers so much leeway.
Super Slush Reader: Why for? They worked hard for it, damn it!!!
me: if i haven’t done my job in the first page, you don’t owe it to me to keep reading. not if i’m trying to get published. ultimately, you’re doing the writer a favor. because it forces them to step their game up. be more impressive up front. wow, a lot of this WOULD be analogous to dating advice.**
*I did once reject a story after reading only the first line. Feeling a brief flutter of guilt, I gave the story a second chance, deciding to read the last line. I did feel better, but it was still one sentence too many.
**I was going to make the analogy of being an easy lay, but wisely opted not to.
Wow – in that case I wish I were a slush pile editor – no make that just an EDITOR – at a mainstream comics company!!! Because if I were, I’d reject most of the drivelling manure they now publish! Especially, as I have told you, DC.
& don’t you think it would be a good idea if *established* writers for companies were every so often subjected to the same discipline?! To stop them getting lazy, &writing said shit?!
(Like you could have everybody submitting under a pseudonym: or writing competitions where the judges knew nobody’s name: like public architecture competitions.)
Continuing in my role of avocatus diaboli: I see some further disadvantages in your above-described approach! The “grab me now” approach seems to promote writing values akin to those of tabloid journalism! In the past, when people didn’t read tabloids, intelligence and erudition – and often the slow introduction – were valued!
I think lots of classic books would never have got published under those conditions. Like,Tolkien’s two master..
..pieces: The Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit. Both have slow, homely openings. (Although TH has a famous opening line, which is oft quoted: “In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit”.. what’s a hobbit, the first-time Tolkien reader would ask – though only, if like me, they were naturally curious!
Well that’s obviously the “hook” of the children’s novel.)
But lots of Dickens is slow, and rather lugubrious, too – even though much of it was originally written as part-works for magazines!
I just worry that modern “editing values” encourage impatience and dumbing-down..
Just one question: *so what was the one bad opening line that put you off, immediately?* Might be more helpful to say: “Don’t do an opening like like THIS [example]: or Ima reject your ass, sci-fi reject!”
(What do we have to do to get the answers, peeps??
Pin him down and torture him – like a shlocky Saw movie, or a repulsive modern comic book?!)
There must be a better way! I’m working on it! *theatrical roguish grin* /stage aside
i’m not saying “grab me now” though that’s what a lot of writing advice tends to lean toward. it’s more like “assure me that i’m in good hands”. though language use and tension, a writer can intrigue the reader to keep reading.