My boys have a girlfriend.

Like something out of a Shakespearean tragedy, they both claim to love the same girl. Now, I’ve watched them at play (watched, eavesdropped; to-may-to, to-mah-to). She makes up games like “who wants to sit by me?” Or “who wants to get me a drink?” Or “who’s going to hug me good-bye?” And my boys merrily follow her lead and obey her subtle commands – all while tumbling, building impressive Lego towers, or telling (what passes for) jokes for her amusement.

I lay all of this abnormal behavior solely at the feet of Dora the Explorer.

I’m here to warn you, America. See for yourselves. That’s right, this is the face of evil:

This is evil incarnate:

I know what you’re thinking: Dora’s Hispanic and this innocent-looking little sweetheart is Asian. Don’t be fooled! This isn’t another case of brown people scaring me. Have you ever tried explaining race to a three or four year old? Our Crayola box is all screwed up after I tried explaining:
-yes, I’m brown, but people call brown people Black
-yes, mommy’s white. I know you look white, but you’re half-Black. No, that doesn’t make you gray. Um, you’re more … off-white.
-yes, daddy is harder to see at night.

At any rate, this goes beyond race. Day after day, my boys watch Dora the Explorer, singing and playing along with the show. Apparently my boys see themselves as Boots and Diego. Regardless, slowly they’ve become conditioned to obey all bossy girls.

Beware the power of the little girl.

Beware! You’ve been warned!

[On a completely different note, I’m not a gambling man, but this headline has just changed my mind: Sinister Minister’s speed changes Derby complexion. Obviously this is a message from God. I’m betting the mortgage, baby!]

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