It’s that time of year. We’re in the throes of the holiday season. Starting around Thanksgiving running through Christmas and then New Year’s Day, we are in the grip of a collective mania. The stress of being and dealing with family. There’s the self-inflicted (and sometimes inflicted by well-intentioned family) pressure of being alone during these times. This time of year can do funny things to people and their thoughts. No one wants to be alone and we especially don’t want to be alone this time of year. There’s a reason why suicides increase around this time.

It may also cause some folks to re-think some of their ex-s. Sometimes it can seem (read: be rationalized) as a rekindling of old feelings. Sometimes “the time apart” has allowed you to re-evaluate their relationship and increase a desire to reconnect with them. Folks can be seen in entirely new lights when compared to the prospect of being alone.

I only have two questions when people ask me about getting back with ex-s, particularly this time of year:

-this person is an ex for a reason. Have those reasons or that person changed? (The sad thing is when the break up occurred only a week or two ago and the person is trying to convince themselves that all the faults their ex had are no longer there or they’ve made a radical turn around or “learned so much” in those two weeks).

-how fair is it to them? You’re talking about stirring up old feelings, possibly opening up old wounds that may or may not have healed, for the possibility of getting together to ride out the holidays together. Now, I’m a “cards on the table” sort of guy, however, even if both of you go into this with your eyes wide open, how fair is it to rekindle a person’s affections only to drop them after the holidays?

I don’t know. Hopefully you’re both grown ups, but I can ‘t help but think that it’s better to ride out the holidays in the company of friends and family as your “connectivity crutch” rather than entangle someone else’s emotions in the mix. If you’re sincere about re-connecting with that ex, wait til after the holidays. With the cloud of pressure and expectation lifted, you can see more clearly. It’s a genuine light of day for you to see if your feelings are what you think they are.

Plus, if you connect with them now, you’re practically obligated to have to buy them a gift. If you’re truly thinking, wait til February 15th to re-connect.

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