-I did not ad lib an entry for the Gross Out contest in the preacher voice.

-Brian Keene didn’t ask me for forgiveness after his reading of The Resurrection and the Life.

-Wrath James White gave me no grief whatsoever about me having written a “baby momma drama” under a pen name. Nor did he follow me around the “World’s Largest Bookstore” laughing. A lot.

-I did not use the phrase “Tucking Dollars for Jesus” as an evangelism method.

-I did not flirt with Jen Orosel’s boyfriend.

-I was not sexually harassed by Drew Williams.

-Neither Rebecca Hay nor Eunice Magill decided to channel their inner Chesay and start ordering around the men in their lives. Nor was the phrase “throne of boys” used.

-Brian Keene did not autograph a copy of Lahaye and Jenkin’ The Rising for me. He then didn’t ask if he should sign under his baby momma drama pen name.

-the preacher’s voice did not rear its head again, followed by air tweaking, and the words “let me heal you.”

-I did not start yelling “Black Rage! Black Rage!” in the middle of my Diversity in Horror panel.

-I was not grinding with Jeremy Lassen.

-No one associated with me ended up at a strip club with Wrath James White.

-I did not get kissed by Gary Braunbeck and Christopher Golden

Sadly, only one of these things didn’t actually happen.

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